Red Flags to Avoid in Friendships: How to Protect Your Peace

Friendships are supposed to lift you up, make you laugh, and support you through life’s highs and lows. But not all friendships are created equal. Sometimes, people you consider friends can show behavior that’s less than supportive—and that’s where the red flags come in. Learning to spot these early on can save you a lot of stress and heartache.

So, let’s dive into some red flags to watch out for in friendships, and how to protect your peace from toxic dynamics.

1. Constant Drama

We all know someone who thrives on drama, right? It’s exhausting. Whether it's stirring up fights, creating unnecessary tension, or just causing chaos for the sake of it, a friendship built on drama is never healthy.

Real friends should make you feel relaxed and happy, not like you’re walking on eggshells or stuck in a soap opera. If your friend seems to live for conflict or always drags you into their personal issues, it’s a sign that their energy isn’t the kind you want around.

Red Flag: If they’re always causing problems or pulling you into their personal drama, it’s time to step back.

2. They’re Always Competing with You

Friendships should be about support, not competition. If you’ve ever felt like your friend is trying to one-up you in every conversation or achievement, it’s a red flag. Healthy friendships are built on celebrating each other’s wins, not making each other feel bad for succeeding.

Red Flag: If they’re always trying to outdo you or make you feel less than, it’s not a true friendship.

3. They Only Reach Out When They Need Something

Friendships are about balance. But if you notice that your friend only texts or calls when they need a favor, help with something, or just want you to be there for them while they vent, that’s a one-sided dynamic. A good friend should be there for the highs and lows of life, not just when it’s convenient for them.

Red Flag: If they don’t check in with you unless they need something, you might be dealing with a taker, not a friend.

4. They Put You Down or Disrespect You

No real friend should ever make you feel small or belittle your achievements, looks, or personality. Jokes about your appearance, your hobbies, or your aspirations that cross the line into insults are huge red flags. If someone truly cares about you, they’ll build you up, not tear you down.

Red Flag: If your friend constantly disrespects you or puts you down, it’s a sign of toxic behavior. You deserve better.

5. They Don't Respect Your Boundaries

Healthy friendships are built on mutual respect, and that includes respecting each other’s boundaries. If your friend constantly pushes you to do things you’re uncomfortable with or disregards your personal space, that’s not okay. Whether it’s pressure to hang out when you need time alone, or constantly pushing you into uncomfortable situations, respecting boundaries is key.

Red Flag: If they don’t respect your “no,” whether it’s about your time, space, or values, it’s time to reconsider the friendship.

6. They Gossip About You Behind Your Back

If someone gossips about other people behind their backs, it’s a good sign they’re doing the same to you. Gossip is a toxic habit, and if your friend has a history of talking behind other people’s backs, you can bet they’re not above doing it to you. Trust is a vital part of any friendship, and gossip erodes that trust.

Red Flag: If they’re constantly talking about others behind their backs, it’s likely they’re doing the same to you.

7. They Make You Feel Exhausted or Drained

A true friend should energize you, not drain you. If you leave hangouts feeling emotionally exhausted or like you’ve just had your energy sucked out of you, it’s a sign that this friendship is weighing on you. Emotional vampires tend to suck the life out of a relationship, leaving you feeling like you’ve given more than you’ve received.

Red Flag: If your friendship leaves you feeling drained or exhausted, it’s time to think about whether it’s worth keeping.

8. They Are Never Happy for Your Successes

When something great happens in your life, a good friend will celebrate it with you. But if your friend is constantly envious or passive-aggressive when you achieve something great—whether it’s landing a new job, a new relationship, or something personal—they’re not truly happy for you. Instead, they’re jealous, and that’s a sign of insecurity.

Red Flag: If they can’t genuinely celebrate your success and always try to downplay your achievements, it’s a sign of jealousy, not friendship.

9. They Don’t Make Time for You

Friendship takes effort from both sides. If your friend always seems too busy to hang out or doesn’t make an effort to keep in touch, it could mean they’re not as invested in the relationship as you are. Healthy friendships should involve mutual effort and care. If you’re the only one reaching out or making plans, that’s a big red flag.

Red Flag: If they don’t make time for you and you’re always the one reaching out, it might be time to move on.

How to Handle Red Flags in Friendships

If you’ve noticed these red flags, don’t panic! Recognising the warning signs is the first step to protecting your peace. Here’s what to do:

Communicate: If you feel comfortable, talk to your friend about the behavior that’s bothering you. Sometimes people don’t realise how their actions affect you.

Set Boundaries: Don’t be afraid to set clear boundaries. You deserve friends who respect your space and needs.

Evaluate the Friendship: If things don’t improve or if the friendship continues to feel toxic, it may be time to distance yourself or let go.

In conclusion, true friendships should lift you up, not weigh you down. Always trust your instincts and know that it’s okay to walk away from friendships that no longer serve your well-being.